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I try to be a strong person for everyone around me. I always think that I have to be a rock for all those who need me. But then there are times that I need to cry for me and it always seems to come at the wrong times, so then I can't cry. It will happen in like class when I'm thinking about something and I can't cry in class. I'm not really sure why it happens but there are just times that I get really down and really lonely and that is when all my negative thoughts seem to happen. I've been told that I am too much of a negative person. I never thought I was that much of a negative person, I mean everyone has negative thoughts and has crappy days. I stopped to look at things and decided that maybe I am a little too negative but if you look at all the shit I've had to go through in the pass year, you can see why I'm so negative. But things could have been way worse, so for once I'm going to be positive and say that I am coming out on top with all my problems.
I've started to see the counselor at school again because I was tried of being down all the time and so tired of thinking that I'm not good enough. I also started to notice that I was beginning to have a bit of a anger problem. I would get really mad at some of the dumbest, and smallest things.
The thing is, I have started to realize is that all my thinking is good at times because I can actually figure out what my own problem is but when it comes down to it that is not enough because I then don't know how to fix the problem. Take my anger problem for one: I get really mad at little things because I have two really big issues that are just hanging in my life that I can't really do anything about and they both make me so mad and since they make me so mad and I can't do anything about them I get extra angry at other things. The problem is I don't really know how to fix that, which is why I decided to go back to the counselor. I feel like she really helps me and understands me, which makes me feel good.
I hope things get better soon, my plan is to make 2009 a great year for myself... I don't know how yet but I will do it.
In today's world it seems like nothing ever goes the way it should. The other night I was reading a Cosmo and there was an article about older women stealing younger women men. It's like when they are young, they want older women and when they are old they want younger women... you can't be happy with a person in your own age range? I really don't get how an older women, like one that could be your mom, is attractive. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that older women are ugly, old hags but when the women is twice your age, what is so great about that? In Cosmo it was talking about how guys like how sure older women are and how they have their own things going on and other things like that, but I bet if they tried looking around they could find a girl their own age that is just like that. I get why they go for younger when they are older but it is still gross. Granted there are a few actors that are the same age as my parents and I think they are very sexy, Johnny Depp for one.
That doesn't bother me as much as when they go for someone else when they are with someone... WTF! Why can't you just be happy with who you are with? If things aren't working out with that person, then break it off and then find someone else, don't have someone already in mind you want to be with and wreck what you have with your current partner so you can be with that person. The two worse things a person can do is cheat or lie to someone who loves them... they always seem to coincide too hmmmm. People always think that the grass is going to be so much greener on the other side, so they never stop to think about the person they are going to hurt to go find out. So what happens when that grass isn't so green anymore? Will they regret the pain they caused the person who loved them, or will they just not care at all?
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those girls that blames everything on girls because I know there are some real bitches out there who do similar things to guys. Just be happy with the person you are with and don't try to find something better while you are with that person, if you think things aren't going to work out, then break up, be single for awhile, and then find that new relationship. It isn't fair to the person you are with for you to just find someone new and leave them for the new person. "The grass isn't always greener on the other side." "Never leave the one you love for the one you like because they will leave you for the person they love."
Just remember KARMA is a bitch, and it always catches up with you in the end...
