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I try to be a strong person for everyone around me. I always think that I have to be a rock for all those who need me. But then there are times that I need to cry for me and it always seems to come at the wrong times, so then I can't cry. It will happen in like class when I'm thinking about something and I can't cry in class. I'm not really sure why it happens but there are just times that I get really down and really lonely and that is when all my negative thoughts seem to happen. I've been told that I am too much of a negative person. I never thought I was that much of a negative person, I mean everyone has negative thoughts and has crappy days. I stopped to look at things and decided that maybe I am a little too negative but if you look at all the shit I've had to go through in the pass year, you can see why I'm so negative. But things could have been way worse, so for once I'm going to be positive and say that I am coming out on top with all my problems.
I've started to see the counselor at school again because I was tried of being down all the time and so tired of thinking that I'm not good enough. I also started to notice that I was beginning to have a bit of a anger problem. I would get really mad at some of the dumbest, and smallest things.
The thing is, I have started to realize is that all my thinking is good at times because I can actually figure out what my own problem is but when it comes down to it that is not enough because I then don't know how to fix the problem. Take my anger problem for one: I get really mad at little things because I have two really big issues that are just hanging in my life that I can't really do anything about and they both make me so mad and since they make me so mad and I can't do anything about them I get extra angry at other things. The problem is I don't really know how to fix that, which is why I decided to go back to the counselor. I feel like she really helps me and understands me, which makes me feel good.
I hope things get better soon, my plan is to make 2009 a great year for myself... I don't know how yet but I will do it.
In today's world it seems like nothing ever goes the way it should. The other night I was reading a Cosmo and there was an article about older women stealing younger women men. It's like when they are young, they want older women and when they are old they want younger women... you can't be happy with a person in your own age range? I really don't get how an older women, like one that could be your mom, is attractive. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that older women are ugly, old hags but when the women is twice your age, what is so great about that? In Cosmo it was talking about how guys like how sure older women are and how they have their own things going on and other things like that, but I bet if they tried looking around they could find a girl their own age that is just like that. I get why they go for younger when they are older but it is still gross. Granted there are a few actors that are the same age as my parents and I think they are very sexy, Johnny Depp for one.
That doesn't bother me as much as when they go for someone else when they are with someone... WTF! Why can't you just be happy with who you are with? If things aren't working out with that person, then break it off and then find someone else, don't have someone already in mind you want to be with and wreck what you have with your current partner so you can be with that person. The two worse things a person can do is cheat or lie to someone who loves them... they always seem to coincide too hmmmm. People always think that the grass is going to be so much greener on the other side, so they never stop to think about the person they are going to hurt to go find out. So what happens when that grass isn't so green anymore? Will they regret the pain they caused the person who loved them, or will they just not care at all?
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those girls that blames everything on girls because I know there are some real bitches out there who do similar things to guys. Just be happy with the person you are with and don't try to find something better while you are with that person, if you think things aren't going to work out, then break up, be single for awhile, and then find that new relationship. It isn't fair to the person you are with for you to just find someone new and leave them for the new person. "The grass isn't always greener on the other side." "Never leave the one you love for the one you like because they will leave you for the person they love."
Just remember KARMA is a bitch, and it always catches up with you in the end...
Recently I watched the "It's a Wonderful Life" episode of That 70's Show and it really made me think. In the episode Eric goes back to the day when Donna kissed him and she doesn't kiss him. Then the angel shows Eric how different everything would have been if they have never kissed. That got me thinking about how different my life may be right now if I had never been with my ex. Although he is a jerk and broke my heart more then once, he really made a difference in my life. He made me challenge things and made me think about things, for example, I use to be a really big mama's girl, and I still am but I have learned to do more things on my own and have tried to make my mom see that I am growing up and need more space to live my own life. He taught me be stronger and not to let people push me around. There are other things too but I don't want to list them all.I still don't believe that "it's better to have loved and lost, then to never to have loved at all" is right. I do believe that you meet the people you meet and go through the things you go through for a reason but losing someone you love is never fun and never good, even if it is a good thing in the big picture. I know that a perfect world would be boring but at least in a perfect world everyone would be happy and everything would be great. Pain, heartache, and challenges are a part of life, yes, but what about those people who can't handle it, is that what was in store for them in life? That wouldn't make sense because suicide is a sin and is punished in hell, so why would it be their "destiny"? I tend to think about things too much... it has its pros and cons.
Well I'm not really sure what to write on my first blog. So, I'll just start at the beginning. My name is Meghan Miller. I am a junior at Morningside College in Sioux City. I have two majors now, Photography and Graphic Design. My main focus is on photography but I figured I could use some experience in another field, so I added Graphic Design. Photography I think really became an interest to me when I was in 8th grade and I decided to be on the yearbook staff. Of course, the yearbook in junior high isn't that big of a deal and it is a little different from a high school year book but it was still a really cool experience. We each had to make our own page layout and then we had to cut the pictures out and put them on the page, so it was like an old fashion way of doing it but it was fun.
I later decided that i wanted to be on the yearbook staff at my high school as a photographer, and my interests for photography grew. Although I really liked being on the yearbook staff, I found that journalism photography was not where I wanted to go with it. I am now finding out that I really like landscape photography. Now what I am working towards is learning different techniques of photography to explore everything but I really think I am going to try my hardest to travel around the world and take pictures of landscapes and things for a magazine or something like that, I'm still not really sure yet. All I know is that I want to take landscape photos and travel.
Wish me luck...
